Because Insanity Lies Within
by Astonia
Summary: ...the Black Order and the people are too damn free. Their friends decide to play cupids and hatches a few ridiculously stupid pranks on Kanda and Allen. KANDA X ALLEN
1. Yuu Kanda is drunk!

**BECAUSE INSANITY LIES WITHIN**

**Summary:** Kanda Yu and Allen Walker are bitter enemies who can't wait to rip the other apart. Because insanity lies within the Black Order, people are too damn free - their friends decide to play cupids and hatches a few (ridiculously insane!) pranks on Kanda and Allen.

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**Disclaimer: No, I don't own any of these characters. I wish!**

This story and plot were written with no regards to the ongoing manga.

I wrote in this in a...wacky mood. xD A tad ridiculous, but I've got a whole lot of ideas for this story.

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**CHAPTER 1: YUU KANDA IS…DRUNK!**

Kanda Yu and Allen Walker are bitter, cold, hard enemies. Their personalities clashed horribly like a soap opera singer at a rock concert. One is a diehard I'm-the-best-exorcist-so-fuck-off. The other wears a happy smiling face with his dimples and all. Wave. Smile. More sparkly molars. A rainbow would glow brightly around this teen, radiating joy and vanquishing all darkness into oblivion.

Allen Walker was one of those optimistic kids with fervor for life. Kanda hated this…passion, this drive. He felt that it was adolescent on his part, and utterly naïve. Like a dying soldier fighting a losing battle and still telling everyone that all is well, and that the homeland will be restored to its former glory. Minutes later, the entire country is wiped out, filled with bloodied corpses who believed in that thin silver lining.

_How naïve…and stupid..._

Then again, the Moyashi was, really (if you think about it), just a fifteen year old.

It was as though chirpy, singsong birds in those childish cartoon films were involved. All the animals would come dancing and a Prince comes riding in his trusty stead. Not to mention, a few glittery sparkles and fairy lights to add on to the picture perfect scene… Allen Walker comes drifting in like a princess. _Pause._ Life was NOT one five year old movie, nor was it cushioned with fluffy pillows. Life was harsh and bitter. You fight to survive, and vice versa. Perhaps, it was sadistic – and yet true enough; Kanda has _always_ harbored pessimistic thoughts. For his entire life, he has battled _these thoughts_, these overwhelming emotions…

So, can we really blame poor Kanda for hating this I'm-a-happy-person teen?

"Stupid, Moyashi." Kanda thought spitefully as his eyes scrutinized the kid sitting at the table adjacent to his. The Moyashi was chatting merrily with Lenalee.

It has been _(yes I have been counting, so screw you)_ the umpteen times Kanda repeated this crude sentence. It was not like he had a choice or was passive in saying so. It simply rolled off his tongue like cheese butter each time his eyes fell on the Moyashi. Perhaps it was pure habit on his part – as you know, habits die hard. Or the nickname had an underlying meaning…something in which no one understood. There _had_ to be a reason for his name-calling – everything always has a reason to fill up the void.

And yet, many chose the latter and called it a secret declaration of love aka confession. Much to Kanda's disgust, the entire Black Order supported his_…_what do you call that? _Secret love confession?_

"_Oh come on, Yu-chan." Lavi teased. "We're all for it!"_

_Lenalee giggled, agreeing as much._

"_What are you, exactly, talking about?" Kanda growled, ridiculously annoyed by his tactics._

"_You've got the entire building in chaos! Everyone's talking about your relationship with Moyashi-chan…if there really is any, of course." There were many nods of agreements._

"_You can take all the fucking attention and shove it up your arse!" Kanda burst, pointing his Mugen at Lavi. "If I hear anymore of this ridiculous rumor, pray tell, I swear your life will be a short one."_

Despite all his death threats (good lord, it was endless!), he had barely managed to silence these rumors. _What the hell were they thinking?_ Kanda was very, very, VERY disturbed. The only fruitful effects were 1) The Black Order kept quiet and hushed down in his presence. 2) Lavi stopped prying into his love life (not that he had any). 3) Half the female population stopped sending him love letters (thinking he was already attached).

Kanda never knew how or why the idiots made such a rumor. He figured it was one of those silly tactics to _spice up_ their monotonous life at the Black Order. Just giving them something to rattle about. He would merely shrug it off, assuming that those rumors would eventually die down…with a new hot topic for discussion. Unfortunately, his assumptions were proven wrong. He was _so_ wrong, in fact. The buzz simply grew bigger, louder and…WORSE.

"_I reckon that they're already in a relationship…but maybe they just want to keep it hushed down. If you know what I mean."_

You see, Kanda may be prominent for his 'Mess with me, and I will kill you.' attitude. May they be damned; the people are terrified of his nature, of course. And yet, his fearsome character didn't extend to his…love life. It was probable, yes. But those damn idiots would not shut their mouths!

"_It's so nice that you and Mister Walker are together!"_

"_SO HOT!"_

"_The hottest couple at the Black Order!"_

"_Ohh…how sweet!" the girls cooed in unison._

Kanda could hardly go on life as per usual without sending at least a hundred death threats per day. And the numbers kept increasing, mind you. They didn't care much about losing their lives under Mugen; instead they _worshipped_ this newfound hot topic. He had people (fans, they call themselves) stalking him! _Stalking._ As in, really stalking, step-by-step, move-by-move, and place-by-place. Which was FAR worse than his fan club. Boy, was he annoyed.

Kanda never knew why the Moyashi wasn't affected by those rumors. Why, he seemed like the only one truly disturbed! Did the Moyashi care, at all? He sure looked like he didn't. Maybe he was too embarrassed to counter those rumors. But still, he could…something! Slash. Burn. Kill them. Anything!

_Stupid Moyashi, making my life all miserable…I should just kill him and call it a day._

Oh yes, it was hard. It was hard AND disturbing when people, romantically, links you to a stupid person full of disgusting, disgraceful, horrible, unforgiving flaws… But let us stop at those criticisms and really pause to think. Perhaps Kanda, really, was contradicting himself. PERHAPS there really was a _secret_ meaning to the nickname. _Nudge. Nudge._ There _must_ be a reason for his constant, unfounded yet deep lying grudge to the certain white-haired teen.

Something, in which, Lenalee was determined to find out.

"Kanda!" Lenalee waved frantically in the air, walking over from Allen's table. Kanda immediately snapped out of his reverie. His dark blue orbs fizzled back into its usual depths of white and silvery lights. His eyes reverted quickly to the caller and darkened as it watched the person sitting down on the opposite side of the table. He was having his usual Soba noodles at the cafeteria, and did not like…well, having company. He felt that people were annoying - what the hell, he felt that the entire universe was annoying!

"What do you want?" Kanda snapped in his usual tone of impatience and petulance. His brows were furrowed and knitted in a single line. This was, yet, another day when Kanda woke up and decided to be an evil bastard. It was a common sight, really, and everyone has gotten quite used to his daunting nature. Those who are less familiar are forced to think that he had tumbled out of the wrong side of the bed. Others who are, or _were_, his acquaintance would simply shrug in a weary kind of way.

Lenalee gave him a wide smile and blinked. "Ohayo, Kanda."

Kanda threw a gruff look and muttered something inaudible like "hello." Or maybe it was "Go away."

"Sorry, I didn't catch that?" Lenalee prodded further.

'Damn it! How can I let this woman…' Kanda thought, incensed. He didn't like being treated like a kid! Nu no-no. Somehow, Lenalee vaguely reminds him of Master Tiedoll. _Shudders._

"DA-morning." He finally answered with dripping fury, his voice dangerously lower. Since he was, literally, forced into saying it – the words came off harsh. It sounded like a death threat.

Lenalee looked satisfied, to say the least. She continued smiling – Kanda thought it was dangerous…and _odd_. Not that, he was scared of a woman, of course! _THE HORROR!_ It was just…for precautionary measures. After all, Lenalee was pretty infamous for her weird, _twisted_ ideas. She tried setting up Miranda with Krory once...everyone knew how _that_ turned out. Since then, the all mighty Lenalee had earned the nickname of cupid (Kanda thought it sounded stupid and ridiculous). You know, one of ugly flying things that went around shooting people with their bow and arrows. They should be charged as an accessory for murder!

"OOF-" someone had _accidentally_ shoved him in the back. "WHY YOU-"

"Sorry, Yuu-chan!" the red-haired teen quickly piped in. "I-uh didn't see you. Heh. Hey! It was an accident! HONEST!" he waved his hands in utter defense; which proved fertile nonetheless. Kanda pursed his lips and began reaching for his katana.

"SUMIMASEN!" Knowing that his life was in danger, Lavi took off at an alarmingly great speed.

Kanda gave a small 'che' before turning back to his plate of Soba. However, the weak excuse for a matchmaker was still beaming across the table.

"AND why are _you_ still here?" Kanda narrowed his eyes to Lenalee whose cheeks were practically flushed and radiating joy. Something was not _quite_ right…but he just couldn't place a finger what. His left eye twitched.

Lenalee began giggling like the strange person she was. "Nothing, Kanda. Oh! I have to see Nii-san! See you later, Kanda!" She swung her legs over the bench, stood up, and began walking away.

Kanda stared at her retreating back, a little startled by her weirdness. Then again, Kanda always thought she had a…_strange_ mind. He shrugged in a 'who cares' kind of way and began his morning breakfast.

* * *

"Oi!" Lavi waved towards Lenalee who had just left the cafeteria. "Did you manage?" 

Lenalee smiled and nodded.

"And he didn't notice _anything_? HA! Our plan was fool proofed!" Lavi exclaimed, smugly.

Lenalee giggled a little and shook her head.

"What? We pulled it off, didn't we?!"

"Sure. But your acting was terrible, Lavi. Kanda could have seen through it."

"Was not!"

"Hai. Hai. Whatever you say." Lenalee waved a dismissive hand. "Now we will have to wait…for about three hours or so. And then –"

"Step two." Lavi grinned, his eyes glinting dangerously.

"Yup, so let's go through the procedures again…" The two began walking down the corridor, discussing over their hatched plan.

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**An hour later… **

"YOU IDIOT!" Kanda burst into Lavi's room, madness written all over his face.

Yuu Kanda was drunk (at least, he looked the part). Red face. Constant hiccups. Threatening, yet teary eyes. There was no doubt about the drunken stupor he was in. _Bless his good soul._

He was _very_ drunk in fact. This was not…not cool! Whatever happened to his high stature and…AND MASCULINTY! Now, this would give the entire headquarters another year worth of topic's discussion. Where's the burial pit when you need one? Oh! Good lord!

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT INTO MY FOOD?!!" Kanda bellowed, brandishing his sword in a very frightening way. In the state he was in, Kanda was completely oblivious to another presence in the room. Lenalee and Lavi were sitting next to the window. They were both arguing and discussing over possible flaws of their plan. What plan? It had something to do with a very drunken yet murderous Kanda Yu. It was a highly secret and confidential discussion. And Lavi was _sure _he had locked the damn door. Hey, what are we saying? Kanda has sliced through Akumas like they were…watermelons. (Not considering the taste, of course.) It was no surprise he had blown off the poor door – it looked anything like one now, just blasted pieces of wooden scrap. _Let us please have a moment of silence for Lavi's door. Amen._

Lavi and Lenalee could only gaped at the sudden interlude. They exchanged glances, looking wide-eyed, startled and completely baffled.

"It's impossible! But, how did he know?" they both thought, scared stiff.

It was terrifying, really. Then again, it wasn't everyday a madman comes barging into your room, hiccupping like a kid whilst sending death glares.

"Speak! Or I'm gonna - _hmp!_ Gonna…_hmp!_" Kanda gave up talking all at once. Or maybe the hiccups were really getting onto his last nerves. Anyways, he still needed to kill the rabbit.

"Yuu-chan…ar-are you okay?" Lavi asked, concerned. He leapt off from the window seat and began making his way towards Kanda, cautiously.

"You're dead…DEAD! Hmp! I'm gonna kill you…YOU IDIOT!" Kanda sent his last death glare before promptly toppling over his feet, falling face flat onto the ground.

"KANDA!" Lavi and Lenalee immediately rushed over and hauled him over to the couch.

"What the hell just happened?" Lavi asked, perplexed. "It has only been one hour and he's acting all…crazy like an alcoholic!"

"Well, he _is_ drunk, you know…considering the drug's components." Lenalee looked thoughtfully, and frowned. "Maybe Kanda is allergic to those…"

"WHAT?"

"I-I don't know." Lenalee answered, looking at Kanda who was muttering something inaudible like how-to-kill-a-rabbit.

"I might have…well, I'm not entirely sure, add an extra dose to his tea." Lenalee bit the bottom of her lips, guilty.

"AN EXTRA DOSE?!" Lavi exclaimed in exasperation. "More like the whole bottle!"

"Shh!" Lenalee hissed and gestured towards the remnants of his door.

Lavi sighed. "But how did he know anyways?"

"I told you your acting was awful." Lenalee reasoned, throwing him a scolding look.

"What? So it's my fault now? …Wait, over dosage won't kill him…right?"

"What? Of course not!"

Lavi narrowed his eyes, unconvinced.

"It's a special drug Nii-san made. With a few constituents of alcohol, and…and…um…some other unknown chemicals. Completely safe, of course! It was originally used to catch a quick nap. So its effects won't last long. An extra dose would only quicken the effects, not extend it."

"And _why_ do the scientists need alcohol for naps?" Lavi asked, suspicious.

Lenalee shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. One of my brother's weird inventions, I suppose."

Lavi shifted his eyes from the stirring Kanda, back to Lenalee.

"What? Stop looking at me like that!" Lenalee retorted, defensively. "Oh, for Christ's sake, Lavi! Are we still going to do this or what?"

"Fine." Lavi finally relented. "But you better tell him it was you. I bet he's dreaming of ways to murder me." He shuddered.

True enough. Kanda was cracking up like…well, the sleeping madman he was. He was swinging his arms in the air, brandishing an invisible sword. "Chop off the rabbit's head…and then…the feet! Oh yeah…rabbit's feets are lucky...yes, they are."

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**Author's note: ****I assumed how Kanda would behave with alcohol affecting his brain cells. Hehe. I'm not sure if one would, actually, hiccup after drinking lots of alcohol. Heh. So let's just say it's an allergic reaction. XD**


	2. Not yours, not mine, then whose!

**Disclaimer: Uh…NO. I'll get sued by the entire universe and every single creature living in it...and then I'll be on the receiving ends of hate mails, and then...well, you know the drill. ;) So NO, I DON'T OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS! Cookie?**

**Many thanks to the people who gave this fanfic a chance, read and reviewed. I love you guys! (sends out many luffs through the computer screen)**

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**CHAPTER 2: NOT YOURS, NOT MINE, THEN WHOSE?!**

The sky hazed with a beautiful crescendo of dark yellow hue to a soft orange-red. The clouds, in the afternoon's predominance, took advantage of the sun's compassion – covering the only source of nature's light bestowed upon all living organisms. It caused shifty movements, dark filters of shadows to move steadily like a professional murderer working towards its intent.

Kanda stirred slightly, feeling something or _someone_ warm nuzzling next to him, and relished in the sound of solitude. He had always sought after this recently denied pleasure – the noiseless room – and it was one of his usual quirks that he found strange condolence in.

"Mmm...food...foooood." A soft voice suddenly murmured. "Jeryy, I want Dango, Tempura, Unagi, fried chicken, curry rice..."

Kanda was so positive (and he hoped!) that he was either still captured in his slumber or was suffering from morning drowsiness. His eyelids fluttered slowly to reveal a darkening room – his pupil dilating in an immediate reflex action to permit as much light through his cornea and onto his retina. It was then that he realized it wasn't morning.

It was afternoon, close to night, perhaps.

"I want food...dango...dango...50 please..." the same voice continued to mutter, breaking the once silent room.

Kanda's eyes shot wide open, he tilted his head to the right and saw...

**The Moyashi.** T-THE MOYASHI??!!

That's right, the silver-haired kid was sleeping right beside him, with his arms draped securely around his body. A peaceful, innocent look graced his features. The Moyashi moaned softly in his sleep, snuggling his head against his chest and tightening his clutches unconsciously.

Kanda quickly caught himself in mid-drift - processing the very situation he was in.

Well, we can all guess what happened next.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Kanda half screamed, half shouted for the first time in his entire life. He panicked like crazy! And faster than you can say 'Bouncy Bouncing Kanda Yu', he had leapt off the bed like a jumping kangaroo. Which is really the only type of kangaroo. But let's move on...

I suppose it was a spontaneous reaction – for his yells were, um, not so manly. Well, it was the first for Kanda. Everything's always the first when you go a little over the fence (insanity lies within, madness waits outside) - apparently, more so for the Japanese samurai whose life has, officially, turned topsy-turvy. A little out of sorts too, might I add.

Never, and I do mean never, in his sadistic living days has he ever encountered such a devastating situation. He was cuddling the Moyashi, for crying out loud! And to further trot on his, clinically, wrecked ego - what on _earth_ was that kid doing in his room and sleeping, no less!

My God...

It frayed his nerves to the degree of oblivion. Poor Kanda nearly fainted from sheer horror.

Allen rubbed his eyes, feeling rather irritated. He was so rudely wakened by someone's piercing screams of horror, and had wanted to snap at the source of frustration. For heaven's sake, he was sleeping! And not to mention, how he was about to eat that dango Jeryy made! How rude!

Apart of the usual drowsiness, Allen was feeling slightly disturbed by how awfully close the yells were. It sounded as though the person himself was in the room, beside him...

And yet Allen, dismissing it for a mere trance, didn't care and…well, that dango still looked heartily appetizing...

What he saw next, however, eradicated all hopes of going back to wonderland.

The face of his nemesis, Kanda Yu, was staring right back at him – looking both wide-eyed and mad.

"K-KANDAAAAA?!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" an alarmed Allen shouted, plainly abusing my 'H' and 'A' keys.

So there we have it – 2 loud (and I do mean LOUD) lunatics in the same room, same bed.

ooooo

"I think it's going well, don't you?" Lenalee said, straining her ears once more.

The partners in crime had been listening to the entire screaming **and** shouting sensation, placing their heads close to the door. It sounded as though someone was being ruthlessly tortured in the room – possibly stabbed, slashed and then burned. Thanks to that, however, their ears were now buzzing to a low hum. They might have gone deaf!

"My God, what a earsplitting scream!" Lavi exclaimed, rubbing his ears in annoyance. "I wonder who has such a high-pitched vocal cord? Ah, probably Allen!"

Lenalee raised a delicate eyebrow at that presumption. "Oh really? I had a faint impression it's..."

"KANDA?!!!"

They exchanged glances and, no sooner than a second, burst out into laughter.

"BWAHAHAHA!" Lavi clutched the sides of his stomach; his muscles were all tensed up. "MUST...STOP...LAUGHING...PAIN!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SHHHHH!!" Lenalee hissed, and yet – she was also trying hard to suppress her laughter. It failed horribly, of course – she resumed her laughing madness. The idea of Kanda screaming at such a girly, high-pitched tone was simply priceless! Who knew that the Japanese samurai has a knack for acting in horror films? So really, we can't blame the 2 operators from laughing their knickers off.

And obviously- if you're cracking up in front of a room - this is most certainly an odd sight, isn't it? Passer-bys started shooting them all sorts of looks ranging from curious, dirty, disgusted to frightened.

"I swear they've gone mad..." someone whispered - and for fear of catching the barmy disease - they quickly scampered off like rats. And so did 99.99 percent of the population. The 0.01 is just a statistic error.

"SHHHHHH!" Lenalee had finally (Thank God!) ceased her insanity. "Lavi!"

Said boy, ever the bundle of nerves, had muffled his laughter in his hands. Apparently, the teen was having a really hard time repressing his, outwardly expressed, amusement.

"Snap out of it!"

""SORRY...TRYING...AHAHAHA! YU-CHAN...SCREAM...BWAHAHAHAHA!"

"GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!! LAVI!!'

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And **SLAP!**

The sound, literally, echoed throughout the entire corridor. It reverberated against the walls and slowly muted down into the darkening passageway.

A beautiful red handprint was imprinted oh-so-graciously on his face.

Well, let's just say Lavi found another reason to wear his green scarf.

ooooo

" – AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Allen continued shouting as though his very life depended on it. Oh wait, it does actually - considering how one has, in fact, found oneself lying in the same bed with a hotheaded, very angry looking Kanda Yu. You don't need a psychic to tell you that your death was just a short breath away.

"Oh, shut up, Moyashi." Kanda snapped, looking very annoyed. He had long ceased his screaming tactics and opted for a more rational approach – mediate. Only god knows how someone could mediate at a time like this!

Then again, this is Kanda Yu we're talking about. The fellow who listed 'mediating' as one of his top recreational activities and, in his strong perspective, a professional way to relax one's nerves and blood circulation. And in light of about his current position – well, we can all understand.

_I am at peace with the world and every living soul (which much to my dismay also includes the Moyashi) in it, therefore I shall restrain my anger and alarm. _

So there we have it – Kanda with his peaceful "I'm mediating here so shut up!" intercession and Allen, who has been straining his thorax for approximately...26 minutes and 9 seconds (say, who's looking at the clock?). Honestly, the Japanese samurai was oddly impressed by how long his stamina could hold out on a monotone yet persistent shout of dismay.

If a sane man happened to stumble onto this display of madness, his eyeballs would be shocked out of its sockets.

" – AHHHHHHHHHH!" Allen continued, still exploiting my 'H' key.

"SHUT UP, MOYASHI!"

" – AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kanda took a deep breath, trying to soothe his frazzled nerves that, apparently, had been traumatized out of its depths.

_Inhale...exhale...restrain...I...must...restrain... _

" – AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kanda was always incapable of self-control – mediation snapped.

"I SAID SHUT UP OR I'LL SHUT YOU UP FOREVER!!!" Kanda flared up, his expression had changed from horror to pure, boiling rage. Boy, Kanda always had a short, quick temper – this time was no different of course. And not to cite the obvious - how the Moyashi was mercilessly tormenting his poor, delicate ears! The Moyashi needed to shut up, or he might really switch into the aggressive mode.

"Don't tell me to shut up!" Allen yelled back in his face. "I have every right to shout when you're sleeping in my room!"

Kanda had opened his mouth to retort but – somehow acknowledged _some_ sense in Allen's words - immediately closed it. Kanda took a swift glance around the room, his eyes darting around, quickly processing the images in his mind.

And what do _you_ know?

Mahogany door - checked. Stained glass (blue and purple) window - checked. Caramel-colored table - checked. Lotus in hourglass with 3 fallen petals – missing. M-MISSING!!!

It took a few seconds for the Japanese teen to completely register this in his head. A thick fog – that seemed to be his brain – had delayed his usual, quick judgment. No one could, really, blame him. I mean, for heaven's sake, he woke up lying next to his least favorite person in the world!

SHIT.

This could only mean one thing...

This. Was. Not. His. Room.

His eyes widened in alarm, he was...was MORTIFIED!!! Not only had he found himself sleeping **with** the Moyashi, but also sleeping _**in **_the Moyashi's room.

Good _heavens_.

From that day onwards, Kanda always had a permanent damage to his ego.

ooooo

**EARLIER THAT DAY...**

Allen Walker had been feeling rather drowsy and lightheaded, barely able to carry himself properly – as though he was drunk. And then he remembered that he has never taken a slip of alcohol in his damn life! All thanks to his horrible experience with General Cross.

"No, I'm not drunk..." Allen said aloud to no one in particular. "I can't be drunk...this is ridiculous!"

His mind was caving into the strange immensity and pressure circulating around his body. His head seemed to be splitting, and crying in anguish. He felt really, really tired. And it looked as though the whole world was spinning…his body was swaying slightly from right to left.

He found himself staggering aimlessly in the corridor, trying to find his room. His nervous system had been delayed such that the electrical impulses were being transmitted slower than usual. Thus, his judgment was impaired - fused with the throbbing pain searing in his head and sheer exhaustion.

His eyelids were turning conspirators against him and closing pretty soon...

He pointed a lengthy finger towards a door. "Hmm...ah yes...I think that's my room... wait, or is it the opposite? Gah, all the doors look the same!"

All he wanted was to cuddle in his bed, tangled in the soft sheets and just conceding to slumber. But the mean old doors had to make life miserable for the poor kid.

"There's only 1 thing left to do..." Allen declared, laughing to himself suddenly. He was, like Kanda, going…well, mad!

"Eene…" his finger pointed to the first door that was next to a joint hallway.

"- Meene..."

" – Mini..."

"- Mo!" Allen smiled, feeling pretty darn pleased with himself. "Ah...There you are!"

Door 'Mo!' sparkled with a strange glossy look as though beckoning the drunken Allen Walker with its evil, lacquered and polished, wood.

"This door...yes, I can feel some sort of strange affinity with it... Oh wait, is my room _even_ on this level? My intuition tells me... it was somewhere further down...well, it's a bit hard to find, isn't it?" Allen giggled to himself, _again_. "This is kinda odd...actually..."

And **THUD!**

Allen Walker never did find his room.

And no, it was not Room 'Mo!'.

ooooo

**THE PRESENT**

"So? Care to explain what you're doing in my room?!" Allen asked; this question seemed to be directed at them both. He was bent on getting a very long, very elaborate explanation from his query. But judging from the constantly shifting expressions on Kanda's face - Allen knew that, like him - Kanda was completely baffled too.

Kanda's face suddenly contorted into a mask of hard concentration, frowning. His eyes, ever so mysterious, darkening into depths of realization – comprehending the situation – and he looked really...

'_Sexy…'_ a small voice in Allen's head chimed in. _'He's beautiful…'_

"Yeah…-W-WHAT?!" Allen quickly caught himself and shuddered, mentally chiding himself for actually harboring such thoughts about Kanda – his archrival no less!

Good Grief! He had gone positively insane!

"Oi, Moyashi!" Kanda snapped, glowering.

"What?!"

"Are you sure that this is _your_ room?"

"Of course! Why?" Allen said, looking ridiculously defensive. Just what was Kanda playing at?

"Are you really, really sure?!" Kanda prodded further, and for some reason his voice had dropped a tone close to intimidation. There was something the raven-haired teen needed to affirm. He roughly, shrugs, knew what was going on. Or at least, he believed so.

Allen threw him a perplexed look and glanced around _his _room.

Sniff. Blink. Stare.

And Lo and Behold! He was, as Kanda had pretty much predicted with his uncanny instinct, WRONG.

"AHHHHHHHH!! THIS IS NOT MY ROOOOOM!!" Allen bellowed, panicking even more. His sudden exclamation was directed much more as a question. His senses – considering the not-so-graceful dawn of awareness plunged in – were clouded.

"Hn. I knew it." Kanda said, not really speaking to Allen but much rather to himself. He had a hunch who was responsible for their, um, circumstances.

"WAIT!!!" Allen stared at Kanda; his chocolate orbs had widened to the size of saucepans. "If it's not your room and not mine either...THEN WHOSE ROOM ARE WE IN?!!"

ooooo

"Say, did we have to use my room for this?" asked an unknown someone whom I've decided not to name for reasons...also unknown.

"YES!"

"Why my room, though? I mean, where am I gonna sleep now?!" said the unknown someone who should probably get a name.

And thus, Room 'Mo!' was officially declared Yullen's room.

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I FINALLY UPDATED THIS FANFIC! Yay me:)**

**Are the rooms of every exorcist the same? Well, let's pretend they are. XD**

**Anyways, I hope this chapter wasn't too disappointing. :) BWAHAHAHA…I wouldn't mind if Kanda and Allen ended up in my room! XD The last part was really redundant but I had to put that in for self-amusement! XDDD**


	3. No alcohol for Allen please!

**Disclaimer: No, but I guess you already knew that.**

**A/N: The **_italics_** refer to 'on the other side of the door' or it's happening at the same time. Remember that Lavi and Lenalee are eavesdropping on the whole Yullen commotion inside the room!**

**WARNING: This chapter may contain OOC (it depends on how you see it.) Haha.**

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**Chapter 3: No alcohol for Allen, please.**

Allen couldn't believe his luck, if he even had any of course. It was…it was PREDESTINED! He vaguely recalled getting all dozy and tired, and was searching frantically _and_ groggily for his room because he, ahem, was lost as per usual. Et Volia! Here he was, possibly KIDNAPPED ("Are you an idiot?" snarled Kanda.) and held hostage for a ransom. And then he remembered that he didn't have much money worthy for his capture, fine he did, unless you wish to count the 10 bucks in his pocket.

"We're not kidnapped, you idiot!" Kanda seethed in his very Kanda-like way.

And of course having Yuu Kanda aka 'I hate you so don't talk to me' as his companion wasn't helping either. He was, therefore, convinced that today was his doomsday.

"Are you rich?" Allen asked as he jumped down from the bed that he had sought strange refuge in…because it was, literally, the furthest possible distance from Kanda and it gave a 2 feet girth between the two. He stared at his query, still looking farcically horrified…but for a very different reason. "Kanda, do you have any money?"

"…."

"We may be kidnapped, for heaven's sake, and we must pool our resources!" Allen explained, widening his eyes in utter terror. "Kidnappers only crave for money." After seeing the baffled look from his, uh, hostage companion, however, he added "I don't think they're after guys like you…but who knows? They might have weird fetish for –"

"We are _not_ kidnapped."

"- rude people like you but don't worry I won't –"

"We are _NOT_ kidnapped." Kanda repeated, _calmly_.

"let them rape –"

"WE ARE NOT KIDNAPPED, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!"

It was strange how Kanda was not named after a volcano for he had a wrath to match. But we couldn't blame him, really, for Allen was giving the poor guy a really hard time to garner his clearly distraught ego. Bless him.

A deathly silence engulfed the room as the two hostages (?) stared at each other – one looking dreadfully furious and the other is simply dazed.

"I have 10 bucks!" said Allen suddenly.

"_It's not kidnap!" Lenalee strongly protested. "It really isn't!"_

"_Well, it's the most probable term to depict their situation, I agree with Allen!" Lavi claimed._

"_You can't agree with someone whose reason for being there is you! And there is no money involved!"_

"_But it's still kidnap!"_

"_No, it's not."_

"_Yes, it is!"_

"_No!"_

"_Yes!"_

"This is stupid. If I stay here any longer I'd just go mad." Kanda muttered to himself. "I'm going to kill every single person in the Black Order and then I'll move to some pacific island where I'll find the much-needed peace and solitude."

"Why?"

"Why what?" snapped Kanda in his sharp tone.

"Why a pacific island?" Allen mused, grinning. "Unless you're into exotic dancers and all…that I can understand...but that's really odd, even for you, I suppose…"

"..."

"…"

"That's it. I'm gonna just murder every person I see next. One of them must be responsible for the state I'm in." he grumbled. "That bloody idiot setting me up with this stupid Moyashi…"

"Hmm..." Allen looked thoughtful at that notion; he was clearly oblivious to the second part of Kanda's Death speech. "For the first time, I'm actually going to agree with you….uh…I was referring to the former!" He quickly added, aware of the half incredulous and half stunned look on Kanda's face.

"Tch. Whatever, Moyashi."

Kanda, in all his stiffened muscles and boiling rage, went across the room with every, hopeful, intention of getting out for he believed, any second now, he might just do something foolish to mar what's left of his dignity. His ego has been reduced to dust, if you must know.

"What the-" Unfortunately, the door wouldn't budge. _(A/N: Muahahaha) _He tried again – twisting, turning, twisting again and then **crank!**

The poor doorknob probably didn't know what was happening.

"DAMN IT!" Kanda cursed and continued another long list of vulgar vocabularies that, may I add some of it, are actually included in the English dictionary.

"What did you do?" Allen asked, peering over Kanda's shoulders. "AHHHHH!! You broke off the doorknob! Yuu Kanda, you idiot, now how on earth are we gonna get out of here?!" He cried, pointing a shaking finger at the shiny, bulbous object lying in his palm.

"Oh shut up!" Kanda snarled in annoyance. "And for your information, the fucking door was locked in the first place!" He sent his infamous death glare at the poor door that would have surely died of pure fright.

'Shit. This is coming out of my paycheck.' thought Kanda as he screwed up his face in exasperation, frowning hard.

"See! I told you we were kidnapped!"

ooooo

"Say…is that the side-effects or something?" Lavi looked over in Lenalee's direction, feeling a tad concerned about the well being of one Allen Walker who was, apparently, convinced that he was being…well, kidnapped. This was, needless for any sane man to say, not normal! Then again, Allen was never a normal kid.

"…Ingredients contain traces of alcohol at a level which would not affect the nonalcoholic." Lenalee read out the note labeled behind the bottle that she had used for drugging Kanda and Allen. "Keep out of reach of youngsters aged…oh dear…"

"Aged…?"

"- 16 and below. Warning, may lead to the disorientation of the individual."

"Great. Just great." Lavi sighed. "Did it mention when the effects will wear off?"

She shook her head and tossed the bottle labeled 'A unique probiotic drug specially formulated for quick naps' with her brother's sleeping face printed right smack at the front, which took up 88.8 of the entire bottle. It's of, therefore, no surprise that the eeny, teeny, tiny bit of detail was squeezed at the back in Verdana, size 4, red font, no bold or italics, just underlined…but that's really going off topic.

So yes, where were we? Oh, let's see Lavi's reaction.

"Nice picture. Very original."

"Really? You think?" Lenalee beamed, feeing ridiculously proud at a time like this. "I took that picture because Reever couldn't snap a photo without leaving his thumb in front."

"_You annoy me, Moyashi." Kanda said in a flat, dead tone that was supposed to be full of meaning. What can I say? The hotheaded samurai had given up on yelling at someone who was obviously not in his right mind._

"_NOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Allen suddenly._

"_What?!"_

"_I left that 10 bucks back in my room!"_

"…"

"Now what?" Lavi stared at his partner, Lenalee, who was having a hell of a time listening to the commotion on the other side of the door.

"What what?" She stared back with her big, walnut eyes.

"When do you reckon is the right time to proceed with Step 2?"

"Until Kanda's on his aggressive mode and Allen's life is in danger." Lenalee said with a frown on her delicate features. "Unless there's an emergency to quicken our plan, which I don't see the reason for any, I'll say we give them more time alone."

"Right. Got it."

"_If I listen to anymore of your insane babbling, I'd just go –"_

"_Mad, yes yes, we all know that. You've mentioned it before. Anything else?" Allen interjected, amusing himself with the rising color in Kanda's cheeks._

"_Shut up, Moyashi."_

"_Unless I'm mistaken, you've also mentioned that -"_

"_I SAID SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!"_

"I think it's going really well!" Lenalee suddenly declared, clasping her hands together in excitement and satisfaction.

"Allen is teasing Kanda with his evil side and Kanda is yelling at him."

"Hmm…that's not good, is it?" Lenalee looked thoughtful for a moment, her eyes hazing with a mix of concern and determination. "Oh well, as long as they don't kill each other, I should say our plan is going on quite smoothly..."

"Perhaps..." Lavi cast a worried look towards the door. "But what if Kanda, in his blind rage, decides to kill Moyashi-chan?"

"..."

"Well, not that I'm saying it'll happen, just predicting Kanda's temper and all...Just _what if_..."

"..."

"..."

They both stared at each other for a long while. Somewhere, a tumbleweed flew past.

"..."

"..."

"That won't happen..." Lenalee finally broke the silence. "No, that can't possibly happen...right?"

"Don't ask me." Lavi said, shrugging his shoulders.

"What should we do?" Lenalee asked as a hint of fear started crawling up her features. Her eyes darted back and forth from the door to her partner in crime.

"I think we should proceed to Step 2 now before anything bad really happens!"

"Yeah, we should do that! We can't have them killing each other now, can we?" Lenalee said, contorting her face into a trouble look. "BUT, what about the civil interaction between those two? You know it's really hard to come by!"

"_GO TO HELL, MOYASHI!" Kanda bellowed. Slash. Slash. Some slicing noises in the background – no doubt from Kanda's second half aka Mugen._

"Ooooooh…"

"Nothing good will ever come out of placing Kanda and Allen in the same room for too long." said Lavi in a very wise old man style, stroking his non-existent beard. "I highly doubt that there'll be any _civil _interaction."

"_HAHAHAHA. Kanda's a baka!" Allen teased. Apparently, his inner demon has decided to make a dramatic comeback with a witty, yet amazingly life-threatening, remark._

_More slashing. More laughing. One LOUD explosion. _

Just what on _earth_ is going on inside that room?

"_INNOCENCE, ACTIVATE!"_

"- And to add on, Kanda has just activated his innocence." Lavi continued.

"Fine." Lenalee folded her arms in defeat. "Step 2 then."

ooooo

Unless you've ever had the unfortunate experience of being stuck in the same room with a very annoying, but ridiculously cute ("I did not just say that!" quipped in Kanda.) Moyashi who had felt the need to mock and disturb your very being when you both are, clearly, in some sort of a prank set up by you-know-who (no, not Voldemort, dear. I mean it literally). You are most probably unfamiliar with what poor Kanda is feeling. Therefore, please do not question why he hasn't blown up the room….yet…

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

…for Kanda has made it his number 1 priority to give the Moyashi an early funeral.

"DIE!" He brandished his katana in Allen's direction. His expression was one of a crazy manic. You could understand his plight though, couldn't you?

"YOU CHEATED!" Allen pointed an accusing index finger at said man. "How could you use your sword when I haven't got any weapon?"

"…"

"What? I don't see why I have to use my innocence against someone with the likes of you! Ha!" he directed his finger at Mugen that was gleaming with a strange murderous fashion under the room light.

You could almost hear Kanda's patience **SNAP!**…wait, he already did so hours ago. Correction! You could almost hear a volcano erupt in his head…no, no, that was minutes ago. Uh…you could almost hear his switch button **click!** from 'very aggressive, threatening and homicidal' to 'very aggressive, still threatening, VERY homicidal (yet very sexy! as chimed in by his fan club) but more brutal and violence involved' mode.

So what have we learned today? No alcohol for Allen, please.

"KAICHUU ICHIGEN!!!" Kanda roared, sounding very much like an enraged bull. The Moyashi was really pushing his luck – teasing, laughing and all - even if he wasn't in his right mind, he still had to pay…and pay dearly. What happened next, however, probably destroyed the entire 'Plan: Eliminate Moyashi'.

The door flung wide open and someone, simply at the wrong place and the wrong time, stepped into the whole 'Slashing, Gashing, Laughing' chaos.

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**A/N: Can you guess whom? Correct answers will get a virtual cookie of their choice! XD And review please? I'd like to know what you felt about this chapter. :)**


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